Missing In Action

• Jail? No
• Vacation? No (I wish)
• Hospital? No
• Buried in work not only at the office but at home and dealing with crazy extended family members? YES

Whew, it’s been awhile. I know I’ve let down my thousands of faithful followers. And to you all, or the one person who use to read this blog, I am sorry.

Work for me, like many others, is crazy hectic. People are leaving and their positions are not being filled which means more work for the rest of us. Some could say job security; I say mental exhaustion.

Home life has been crazy. I have a four year old and a husband, who at times is like another four year old. He has, however, been working a lot as well; I feel like we’re ships passing in the harbor of life. I’ve had some minor vehicle issues (breaks going out – I guess that’s not really minor now that I think about it) but thankful that my husband is able to fix it himself so we can save some moola there.

We are currently house shopping and since I’m the “people person” I get to deal with the realtor. We’ve also had many “issues” in the condo we’re renting (A/C out, refrigerator died, dishwasher flooding the kitchen/laundry room, dryer not working) and I’m the one to call maintenance to deal with that as well. I am so sure they cringe every time I say, “Hi, this is Unit number…”

And then there’s the extended family issues:

• My sister thinks the world owes her. Owes her what, I am unsure. A swift kick in the a&& is what I think it owes her. She frivolously spends her money and then whines when her car gets repossessed and expects everyone to send her a check. I stopped answering my phone…

• My Mother-in-Law is a drama queen. FULL TIME drama queen. A hang-nail causes major stress and the need for disability. One night she was out riding her bicycle. She hit a rock and had a minor accident. She calls and is crying on the phone and makes my husband rush out to her rescue…she had some scrapes on her leg and her hand. No stitches; no rushing to the ER. My husband had to stop at the local pharmacy and buy all of the bandages/tapes/lotions and potions to take care of her…I should have bought stock in Johnson & Johnson…

• I’m “friends” with my cousin’s wife on Facebook. She drives me nuts. She whines all the time and complains about everything including the sky being blue. Then the next day, everything is coming up roses. This woman is CRAZY. I have on multiple occasions typed up comments and then chickened out to post them.

They live about 2500 miles away from me. I’ve seen this woman once in my life…Should I just un-friend her? Should I comment and let her un-friend me? Why should I worry…

I promise that I will post more regularly. Hopefully soon you can laugh at the trials and tribulations of our house experience (this will be our second house…the first was in a different state before we moved so at least we have some experience).

As always, thanks for reading…

I love Subway…it’s the only place I can order a 12’ Italian and not feel embarrassed.

Dinner time at my house is challenging. My husband is a picky eater. However, he’s the type of picky eater who will look you in the eye and tell you he’s not a picky eater. He’d be content eating cheeseburgers three times a day; seven days a week.

When I make the grocery list out, I try to plan out eight meals; giving us one extra meal to “play around” with. I try to plan meals that all three of us will enjoy. Well at least eat. I also try to make them semi-healthy.

I am the sort of person who can eat any type of food any time of the year (soup when its 115 out, ice cream when its cold out). If I’m in the mood for a certain type of food, I’ll eat it. My husband is not like that. He will only eat chili, soups, stews, casseroles, baked foods, oven roasted vegetables, baked pastas, pot roasts and similar foods in the spring and fall. This is difficult living in the desert when the temperatures are pretty constant.

He will however, eat steak, hamburgers, brats, hot dogs and pizza anytime. And ALL THE TIME.

I often stand in the kitchen contemplating making two or three separate dinners. Would this be better? Would we all be happier? I could have tacos. My son could have chicken nuggets. My husband could have his cheeseburger. There would be peace in the dinner universe. But then I think about how little time I truly have at night and reality sets in and I make the same boring thing I made last week. I wish my kitchen was like the food court at the mall – that way, we all could order what we wanted and not have to compromise. Bon Appétit!

WOW Little Man…What did you eat?

I love my son more than anything in this world. He is the light during my darkest day. His smile can change me. His laughter is the best sound in the world. But my God, the boy can produce hazardous and noxious smelling gas.

The sad thing is that he is so very proud of this. He calls these his ‘Man Farts’. And believe me, they are man worthy.

How can something so cute produce something so rancid? He eats healthy (well, as healthy as a four-year old can eat). We bathe him. He changes his clothing daily. Did I mention we bathe him?

I just don’t understand the chemistry of the food breakdown process. For example, the other night we ate grilled chicken, corn-on-the-cob, and freshly baked bread. This combination shouldn’t have created the foul odor that made my eyes water and my nostrils scream for mercy.

I ran far far away…well at least out to the patio.

My husband on the other hand was giving our son grand hi-fives…is this a rite of passage? Is this foreshadowing of things to come as my sweet, innocent Little Man gets older? Are there more obnoxious hideous and grotesque smells to come?

I better buy stock in Glade, Fabreeze and Lysol.

Please hook up the coffee IV – and STAT

Monster: mon-ster]–noun:

1. A legendary animal combining features of animal and human form

2. Any creature so ugly or monstrous as to frighten people.

3. Any animal or human grotesquely deviating from the normal shape, behavior, or character.

4. A person who excites horror by wickedness, cruelty, etc.

5. Any animal or thing huge in size.                   

My little man is seeing monsters in his room and not sleeping through the night– this equates to Mommy not sleeping through the night either.

My son was an incredible baby. He knew when I had to go back to work from maternity leave because the week before, he started sleeping through the night. And even when he didn’t sleep through the night, he slept in long blocks at a time.

Since he started sleeping through the night (back when he was 3 months old), I can count on two hands how many times I’ve had to get up with him (he just turned 4). I’ve been spoiled – I enjoy my sleep (and believe me, those around me enjoy it when I get my sleep). The last few nights have been rough – on me.

I tried rationalizing with Little Man last night that there are no monsters – his mind was just playing tricks on him. He then, in his very adult manner, reminded me that Cookie Monster is a monster so how could there be no monsters?

Little Man is too smart for his own good.

I read him his favorite bedtime book for the second time and tucked him-again. I sang his bedtime song (the one I’ve sung to him since he was born) and tiptoed back to my welcoming bed…not more than 10 minutes later, a quiet little voice says, “Mommy, they’re back”. My mind automatically brings up the movie “Poltergeist” which to this day scares the living daylights out of me.

I know that there is no way (now) that I’m going to fall back to sleep so I made the executive decision to just stay up. The funny thing was today was my first day back to work after a mini-staycation. I knew I’d be swamped…

The coffee is going down quite well today…can you say caffeine buzz?

Hello...Hello, is there anybody out there?

This is my first attempt to blog. I know, I'm behind the times. As I write this blog, diary entry and general entertainment piece I am wondering: Is anyone going to read this? Would I read this? The answers are: I hope so and probably.

How should this blog go? I mean what do I say to "reel in the viewers?" Or rather, reel in the readers?
I have been told that I am great with sarcasm and have a "snarky sense of humor". What is snarky? Isn't that a character from Smufs? Wasn't it Gargamel's right-hand man? Anyway, this is me...and my random thoughts at life. My daily pursuit to laughter....

I promise to my reader (hopefully there is at least one out there) that all of my post will contain real, true and accurate events (at least the parts I want you to know). I truly couldn't make some of this stuff up.

Some of my posts will contain the adventures of my son, the randomness of my life, my struggles with this daily pursuit to laughter, the crazies I encounter daily (and let me tell you, I think the Arizona heat creates LOTS of crazies) and what I'm making for dinner.

My other posts will be my views on current events - controversial? Maybe. But hopefully my opinions will create dialogue about what's going on here on planet Earth. I am open to hearing your opinions (only those that agree with me..ha ha) and comments.

I look forward to entertaining you and taking you on your own journey to find humor in your everyday life.